I tried to do a Sober October once.
And all it really did was make me a better alcoholic.
I still hate that word—alcoholic—but it’s true i suppose.
I went in pumped, convinced this was the reset I needed. I told myself I’d drink less afterward, that I’d feel lighter, happier, free. That it would be easy.
What a fucking crock of shit that was.
Instead of freedom, I set myself up for failure. I walked right into a cycle of shame, disappointment, and self-loathing. Not because Sober October is bad—it’s not. I’m not here to knock the idea. If a month off drinking helps someone, that’s incredible. A reset can be a good thing.
But here’s the caution:
Be careful when you join these challenges.Be careful who you tell.Be careful how tightly you grip it.
Because if you’re not doing it for the right reasons—if you’re not quitting alcohol or drugs because you truly believe you are worthy of love, acceptance, and happiness—then it can quickly turn into an even bigger monster than the one you’re already fighting.
The slogans make it sound easy. Sober October. Dry February. They’re everywhere this time of year. And for some, it works. For others, though, those slogans hide silence and pain. They hide the shame that builds when you fall short.
And shame, combined with secrets, is what kills us.
Because shame isn’t just feeling bad about what you’ve done—it’s the heavy, soul-crushing belief that you are bad. Guilt says, I made a mistake. Shame says, I am a mistake. And when you stack that on top of the already impossible weight of addiction, it becomes a trap.
Every time you “fail” a challenge like Sober October, if you’re not rooted in self-compassion, you collect another layer of shame. And those layers build into armor that keeps you stuck. Shame isolates. It convinces you that you’re broken, unworthy, unlovable. And the more you believe that lie, the harder it is to try again, to get back up, to even imagine a life without drinking.
That’s why these quick-fix challenges can be dangerous if you’re not ready. Without the right mindset, they don’t just set you up for failure—they set you up to believe you are the failure.
So yes, celebrate if you’re taking a break this month. Encourage others. But do it gently. Do it with compassion. And if you’re walking this path yourself, be cautious of the shame you collect along the way.
Sobriety isn’t a challenge. It isn’t a month-long test of willpower.
It’s a journey.
Be careful how you walk it.
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A Note to You
If you’re stepping into this month and giving Sober October a try, give yourself grace. Don’t measure your worth by days counted or slips avoided. Measure it by how gently you treat yourself in the process.
And if you’re reading this and it hit home—because you know what it feels like to be trapped in the cycle of shame—I want you to hear me clearly: you are not broken. You are not unworthy. You are not your mistakes
Maybe your call to action isn’t to quit for 30 days. Maybe it’s to take one honest look in the mirror and remind yourself that you’re worth loving, right here, right now. That’s the kind of sober reset that actually lasts.